A Gurukuli Dictionary

By Maddy


A

aparadha (n.) [as in "to commit an aparadha"] to blast, roast, gruel (British usage), chew out, harass, or dis (American usage).

aspiring (v.) guru-hunting, guru-flirting, guru-shopping, guru-scoping, and so on.

associating (n.) second marriage; not married before the sacrificial fire.

austerity (n.) toilet cleaning. See also service.

 

B

bhakta (n.) bottom of the food chain; the people who don’t get maha sweets. Also musical bhakta: a unique ‘avadhutabhakta who is exported and repeatedly shifted from temple to temple. Also boomerang bhakta: when the above scheme fails and the ‘importing’ temple stamps "Wrong Address: Return to Sender" on said bhakta. See also austerity. See also TP.

bhakta poaching (n.) when one temple does the preaching and the feeding and another one smoothly shaves and bundles him off to their temple. Usually occurs at large gatherings of potential joinees, e.g. Rainbow Gatherings.

bhakta leader (n.) he that gets you off the mental platform by administering said beating.

blasting (v.) explaining the philosophy to a non-devotee; giving the mercy; general fits of impersonating Srila Prabhupada’s accent and heaviness.

bloop (v.) to eat chocolate near the temple or watch the in-flight movie with headphones.

bogus (adj.) generic abbreviation for "I don’t know the Sanskrit to prove you wrong".

boil sprout (n.) the maha thief in India.

boomerang bhakta: see bhakta.

brahmana (n.) dude with the thread who doesn’t do the service. See also sudra.

BSP (n.) [abbr. brief samadhi period] sleeping in Srimad-Bhagavatam class.

 

C

CID (n.) [abbr. Compulsive Initiation Disorder] cases found exclusively in gurus of the last twenty years.

CTD (n.) [abbr. Compulsive Traveling Disorder] serious cases found in gurus and sannyasis. May extend to TPs, too.

 

D

determined prabhu (n.) second-time vanaprastha on the sannyasa list, again.

devotional singer (n.) he that possesses no ear for music or tone; to have bad vocal chords. Also known as alternate singer.

disciple poaching (n.) [archaic since late 1980s guru reforms] initiating into someone else’s zone. See also bhakta poaching.

DM (n.) [abbr. devotee maintenance] three dollars per month laundry allowance usually spent on chocolate and movies.

 

E

extended pranam (n.) see pranam.

 

F

fall down (n.) refers to the actual offense of shaggery or buggery. See also falling down.

falling down (v.) refers to chatting up, flirting with, or checking out matajis. Sometimes referred to as passing the ghee lamp.

fringie (n.) guys in bhakta pants and kurta wielding the tiffin at the front of the Sunday Feast line.

 

G

gopi (n.) members of the gopi-bhava club or premature raghanuga-bhakti interns.

grhastha (n.) guys in the temple room sporting visible underwear lines; to wear the ‘other’ underwear.

 

H

harinam (n.) see sankirtan.

hitting the deck (v.) see pranam.

humbles. [from PAMHO or "please accept my humble obeisances"] trendy greeting. See also VKji.

 

I

IZB (n.) [abbr. illegal zone breach] [archaic since late 1980s guru reforms] sneaking into someone else’s zone and either making money without giving a cut to said zone’s guru or invading into that zone to carry out illegal disciple farming and harvesting. See also disciple poaching.

 

J

japa (n.) see sankirtan.

japa demon (n.) one who monopolizes the sound area with vigorous chanting.

japa patrolman (n.) guy who scopes your counter beads, looks you over with measuring eyes, and asks knowingly, "How are you today? Are you chanting your prescribed number of rounds?"

Jai’s Secret (n.) [from jai meaning victory, hence Victory’s secret] kaupinware made from silk.

 

K

kama (n.) desire; inclination to horniness or randiness; showing much attention to the back of the temple room. See also falling down.

kuli (n.) [abbr. gurukuli] non-joiners; inborn members who do drum wailing (see play mrdanga) and have smart philosophical answers for everything.

kuli-tag (n.) kuli-wannabes who never join, but hang out and crash the reunions.

 

L

life member (n.) that Indian lady who walks through a boring class and nonchalantly farts on her way out without batting an eye.

 

M

mataji (n.) the gals at the back.

maya (adj. n.) general blacklisting label often used to proclaim users ignorance.

mental platform (n.) not being sure if the mind needs the shoe or the broom for the morning beating. See also bhakta leader.

musical bhakta (n.) see bhakta.

modes (n.) [usage "the modes"] state of being all partied out, for example after a gulabjamun-eating contest.

MG (n.) [abbr. marriage guru] non-married member of the society who arranges short-term marriages.

 

N

O

old school (adj.) disciples of Srila Prabhupada; those that start conversations with, "I remember you when you were only this big…" or "I remember back in ’69 in Berkeley…"

 

P

passing the ghee lamp (v.) see falling down.

play mrdanga (v.) to wail on a drum.

pranam (v.) to recognize, give much respect, or give much love. Also known as hitting the deck. Also extended pranam: state wherein exhaustion has overcome the devotee and he never gets back off the floor. May be accompanied by snoring.

pujaris (n.) chubbier devotees with 24-hour access to the maha-room.

 

Q

R

RDMC (n.) [abbr. Russian Database Marriage Candidate] late-blooming forty-plus brahmacari. See also WMF.

 

S

sahasrakoti. [from sahasrakoti dandavats or "one thousand million obeisances"] trendy greeting. See also VKji.

sanga (v.) to chill with, hang out, or be tight with.

sankirtan (n.) to get down and boogie with the mantra; to "groove with the Krishnas". Also known as harinam when taken to the hood; also known as japa when confined to a bead bag.

service (n.) sweeping, vegetable cutup, pot washing, wall painting. See also austerity.

Siva-puja (n.) to smoke the other kind of incense.

sudra (n.) the guys who do the service. See also austerity. See also brahmana.

space out (v.) condition referring to devotees in Srimad-Bhagavatam class. See also BSP.

squeeker (n.) high-voiced devotee who controls himself with extremely tight kaupinware.

stool (n.) generic all-purpose ISKCON criticism of anything and everything.

 

T

TP (n.) [abbr. temple president] the guy near the top the food chain who gets all the maha. See also bhakta.

 

U

utsahan (n.) waking up at 1:00 AM and doing your rounds and reading.

 

V

VG (n.) [abbr. virtual guru] gurus who recruit, cultivate, and carry out relationships with disciples electronically through e-mail or by ‘snail’ mail.

VKji [abbr. vancha kalpa] trendy greeting. See also sahasrakoti and humbles.

 

W

wipers (n.) karmis; those dirty toilet toilet-paper-smearing non-squatters.

WMF (n.) [abbr. Will Marry for Food] the lustier bhaktins. (You know the ones I’m talking about.) See also RDMC.

X

Y

Z